We are focusing on Healing After Trauma for Episode 20 of “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health.” The steps we’ll discuss, outlined by our guest, Shawna Presley Vercher, are actually a roadmap for anyone looking for balance and a more stable foundation for life. People who have experienced trauma will recognize the role these steps play in healing. Others will see these as fundamental truths that can improve anyone’s approach to life.
Trauma can take many forms. For some there are childhood experiences that never leave you. As I’ve shared very publicly, I was sexually abused by a teenage neighbor when I was seven years old. For years, I didn’t really know how it had impacted me.
Finding happiness, and in fact, healing can only happen once you start acknowledging and identifying the impacts of a traumatic incident. (Our guest, and my co-host Dawn Helmrich Neuburg, will share their own stories of trauma and resilience.)
We are talking about finding happiness and healing after trauma on the last episode of “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health” for 2024 Thursday, December 19 at 7 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. ET. Dawn Helmrich Neuburg is my co-host. Shawna Presley Vercher will be our guest. You can watch the live show or recording on Facebook, Twitter*, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram* or my website.
*We won't know the exact urls for Twitter and Instagram until we go live. For now, those links go to the main pages on my main accounts on those platforms.
Some of these steps are easier to talk about than actually implement. The end of the year is as good a time as any to take stock and think about what you’d like to aspire to in the New Year.
Practice self-care: This one is hard for me. In August, Ep. 14 focused on practicing self-care. Steffen Kaplan was our guest. I wrote about my challenge with self-care at the time. I still don’t take very good care of myself. I still struggle with getting good sleep. I’m a little better about taking my meds, but occasionally slip. Exercise, nutrition, etc. are still elusive goals.
Create a circle of true support: I have done better with creating circles of support. For Ep. 15 in September, I wrote about how I created the support structures I needed through this show, and a show I produced/co-hosted in 2023, “Unspoken: Conversations with Candace.” I’ve also been good about creating new circles of support as I need them.
Do something that gives you purpose: This show gives me purpose. In my day job with Digimentors (which often extends into nights and weekends, much to the consternation of those who care about me), I feel truly lucky to work with clients like the Southern Poverty Law Center and the John and Lillian Miles Lewis Foundation. Over my career, my work on behalf of home care workers in Washington State and with United Way kept me grounded.
Do something to serve others: Working with United Way, I saw how important volunteers were to the success of any organization. I serve on the board of JusticeAid, a group that uses “art and music to drive change and support organizations fighting injustice and inequality.” In 2025, I will also serve on the board and chair the Marketing Committee for United Way NEXT, a group serving current and former United Way staffers.
Do one small attainable item on your to do list: To do lists have been challenging for me. I haven’t been able to find a consistent way to manage and track everything that needs to be done. One thing that has helped recently is an app called Todoist. What I like best about it is that I can take complex tasks and create sub-tasks. Scheduling and crossing off the smaller tasks is easier than staring at a big assignment. (Writing / posting / sharing this blog post are three tasks that I will be able to check off in preparation for Ep. 20.)
Write down a plan to tackle a big goal: If I were to re-write Shawna’s list, I’d probably move this up higher. Writing down a plan would proceed doing small attainable tasks. In the not-too-distant-past (as recently as a few months ago), I would sometimes freeze up when faced with a big project. My all or nothing thinking would get in the way. I didn’t see how what I was doing could be good enough and it would stop me from moving forward. I wrote about that for Ep. 9 when Ambrose Wilson-Brown, a mindfulness coach, was our guest. Writing down a plan is definitely a way of getting around that.
Find an activity that is your “Church”: In this context, I think of “Church” as a hobby. This is something I still have trouble with. I don’t have any hobbies. I don’t have a way to turn my mind off. (I’ve been told that playing games on my phone and watching TV doesn’t count.) Photography is something I have enjoyed, but sometimes I’ve also turned it into a guilt-ridden burden. For example, I took numerous photos at my daughter’s swim meets this summer. I still have yet to share many of them with her friends’ parents…something that still weighs on me.
Learn how to embrace failure: Embracing failure is easier said than done. It’s a good business practice, for sure. Once or twice, we’ve had open discussions at work about what went wrong with a client or project. But, if you struggle with Imposter Syndrome and self-doubt, it’s extremely challenging.
Forgive your younger self: Now we’re getting into some difficult territory. It’d be great if I could forgive my younger self. Heck, I have difficulty forgiving my one-day younger self. One good thing is that I don’t blame myself for being sexually abused when I was seven-years old. (My teenage neighbor came to my door, asking for help with a “cub scout” project. That was the ruse he used.) I do blame myself for things that happened with him the following summer and beyond. I haven’t talked much about that part of my story. But it still weighs on me. It’s something I’m still working on.
Change your inner language: I am my own worst critic. I don’t know how to not optimize everything I do. I don’t know how not to give 110%. I know it takes away from family time and that I spend more time on a project than I should. When I don’t meet those standards, I criticize myself some more. The challenge is that I’ve spent a lifetime doing this.. I’m working on it, but changing that approach, and the language that goes with it, is no easy task. If it was, I would have done it a thousand times already.
I hope you can join us for this episode or watch the replay. You might find some inspiration, or at least a sense that you’re not alone.
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