Parenting a Child with Social Anxiety Disorder

I didn’t always do it right… Society is made for kids that play sports, like school, and hang out after school or the playground. So, as a parent, I thought that is what you were supposed to impose on your children. I put my son in every kind of sport I could think of. Pee-wee football, little league, taekwondo, swimming, racquet ball. He did all of them, and he was good at all of them, but he hated every single team sport activity we tried.

I talked to other parents and they all said the same thing, “Don’t let him quit”. But the truth was I saw how miserable he was. I saw that he didn’t like those things. I saw that he was happier alone in his room or in the backyard exploring the earth. Yet I kept at him to join clubs at school, to be social like his sister, to do all the things that society says a “normal” kid should do.

It wasn’t until middle school that this wonderful, unique, individual kid could tell me that society didn’t fit him. That he was an introvert and when he was in those social situations it was scary and hard for him. He had done his own research and realized that he had social anxiety. Being an extra extrovert I had never entertained the idea that the reason he was resistant to all the things we put him in was because he wasn’t comfortable in those situations. That even being in school was difficult for him. It didn’t matter that he was good at everything, that he was a straight-A student that he had all these talents. It was impossible for him to function at the same level that other people who did not experience anxiety could function.

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I will share my experience parenting a child with Social Anxiety Disorder on Ep. 26 of “Shining Light on Shadows: A Candid Conversation About Mental Health,” Thursday, March 27 at 6pm CT / 7pm ET.

Jim Yu, the parent of a child with Borderline Personality Disorder, will be our guest. My co-host is Neil Parekh You can watch the live show or the recording on Facebook, Twitter*, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram* or Neil's website.

*We won't know the exact urls for Twitter and Instagram until we go live. These links go to Neil's Twitter and my Instagram.

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My son is 22 now. We went out to dinner the other day. It was March madness and the restaurant was very crowded. It was a sports bar and there were all kinds of TVs. It was loud and difficult to have a conversation.

When I looked over at him I said this must be so overwhelming for you. He simply said, “I had to prepare myself for this situation. I knew it was going to be like this and I had to just tune out everything and focus on the purpose of us being here. I have learned to adapt to my environment.” 

I have learned so much from this human over the years. I have learned to let him lead. To let him decide what is best for him. To let him participate in things that he wants to be a part of. Last month he went to Chicago by himself to march for what he believed in. He also attended a Bernie Sanders rally in Kenosha because he wants to see change happen in our society. He is an activist, an animal lover, a plant lover, and an amazing human being.

I tried to force society on him because that is what I thought I was supposed to do. But the truth is you have to allow people with mental health issues, all people, to decide what is best for them.